A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. ‘My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?’ ‘Okay,’ says the vet. ‘Let’s have a look at him.’ So he picks up the dog examines his eyes and checks his teeth. Finally he says, ‘I’m going to have to put him down.’ ‘What? Because he’s cross-eyed?’ asks the man. ‘No,’ replies the vet. ‘Because he’s really, really heavy.’

A man sees a sign in front of a house

A man sees a sign in front of a house, ‘Talking Dog for Sale’. He rings the bell and the owner takes him to the back yard where the dog is chained to a post. ‘Can you talk?’ asks the man. ‘Yep,’ says the dog. ‘I discovered this gift when I was young. I decided to help the Government, so I got in touch with the CIA. In no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one would think a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out though, I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a lot of medals. Later I got a wife, had some puppies, and now I’m retired.’ The man is amazed. He asks the owner what he wants for the dog. ‘Ten dollars,’ replies the owner. ‘That’s a low price for such an amazing dog,’ says the man. ‘Why on earth are you selling him?’ The owner replies, ‘Because he’s such a huge liar, he never did any of things he just told you about!’